Often, I find myself taking a step back for a second during my epic mind blowing sessions and I watch other people at the park.  Man, there are a ton of different “personalities” on any given day; the quiet tranny shredder, the eager to prove 15 year old, the “still got it” 20 year old, the bearded father 25 year old.  that’s my favorite.  I’ve taken in all of the stimulus and decided to give you all the secrets of how to be the coolest at any skatepark.  here they are, take it in young grasshoppers.

1) Grow a beard: I remember seeing my man liam mitchell back in the day after he grew about 3 feet in a summer with this man beard.  man he was cool.

2) Hardflip or Back Bigspin something: gone are the days when I was 14 that if you boardslid the biggest rail at the park, or did the jankiest ollie down the biggest gap you were accepted.  Now your lame if you do that.  You gotta get steezy.  Which leads me to;

3) Wear something designer that emulates “I don’t care about my style”: V-neck, or oversized organic 100% cotton tee.  If you can pre rip the back, extra rad points. it’ll at least get people noticing you…pull out the hardflip.

4) Never say “F#$% man, I haven’t skated in like three weeks”: Listen, the moment you toss this out, you’ve blown it.  You have been unmasked; you might as well just get all Ron Burgundy..”I HAVE MANY LEATHER BOUND BOOKS…”  Just let it go that you’re sucking, nobody is watching anybody that much to actually stop and say to themselves, “hey that dude is really have a tough time skating well today, I wonder if he hasn’t skated in like 3 weeks, cause it really looks like…I hope he can come up to me and clarify the length of time it’s been since he’s skated last”  let it go.

5) Bring your own water: once it was cool to bring starbucks to a sesh, but then everybody had to deal with the repurcussions of having diarrhea due to all the physical activity.  Now, if you wanna look legit, bring your own water, extra points for having it like have frozen with a big ol’ chink of ice in there, like “damn that dude even pre froze his water!”

6) Bring a friend that has a camera with a flash setup: It’s like moth to a flame at any skatepark.  The moment that tri-pod goes up and your bro is all over the ground like madonna in “like a virgin”, people start to notice you.  Listen your bro doesn’t even have to know what he’s doing, but make sure to always go and check the photes like you’re seeing something they only wish they could see.

7) Impossible/3 shuv

Be an out of the closet Bob Marley advocate: I’m not even making fun, have you seen the dudes that are like this skate?? They’re doing something right

9) Pop out of all your tricks: I’m serious on this one, it’s taken me 12 years to get a hold of the joy of this one.  Listen, if you show up at a park and can Backtail and then do a cute little mikemo pop out, you’re in like flynn friends.

10) smile.

-Ben